Chapter 31

I could feel the cold liquid in my veins, and the smell of a hospital room filled my nostrils. I hated the scent, it reminded me of my endless nights spent watching Mama struggle. My eyes were still closed but the harsh lights made their ways into my eyelids, I opened my eyes and saw both Baba and M7amad sitting on the chairs next to my bed. I opened up my mouth but something stung my throat, I licked my dry lips, I needed water. 


Baba came closer to me and rested his hand on my forehead, "Sara. Shfeech?" he said responding to me.


"Maay." I managed to whisper. 


M7amad had his head down in frustration, seconds later he was out of the room. Baba got me some water and I finished it in a matter of seconds. I sighed deeply and rested my head on the pillow. Glancing at Baba, his eyes started to tear up. 


Baba: "Laish chithe Sara?" he asked. My tears answered his question. I have nothing to say. 


"Tadreen shnu kan be9eer feech?" he said shortly after. Yes I do.


"Sara kha6er, nas mataw." too bad I didn't. 


A tall guy came into the room, I assumed he was my doctor. He looked like a married 30 year old. 


Baba tried to talk normally again, "Sara hatha Dr Ahmad."


Dr Ahmad: "Ha Sara shnu t7seen feeh?"


Me: "Madre, rasy w thahre e3awrooni."


Dr Ahmad examined his clipboard, "Ee hatha shay 6abee3y 7ag a7ad mithlich."


Mithly?


Me: "Al7een sh9ar a7ad efahmne." I said in an inpatient tone. 


Dr Ahmad: "El pills eli khathaiteehum esabiboon liver failure, t3arfeen shnu ya3ne?" 


Liver failure? Oh yeah, that killed my mother. 


Me: "Ee."


Dr Ahmad: "Fa chithe 7adich 2 pills takhtheenhum, if you take more than 4 pills you'll overdose. W fe ba3th elmarat t9eer 7alat wafat. W 7altich al7een kha6ra, khi9oo9an lanich mu ga3da takleen 3adil." 


I looked at my dad who still had tears in his eyes, I didn't know this would happen..


Dr Ahmad: "Btnameen bil mistashfa 7ag cham youm w bnsawe f7oo9at, w etha kelshay tamam tgdreen trideen elbait." I didn't answer him.


Baba: "Mashkoor dector" He nodded and went outside. 


Baba sighed deeply and sat down on the edge of my bed, crying. 


Me: "Yuba please latabche!" I wanted to get up and hug him, but all the wires attached to me made it really hard. 


Baba: "Sara laish chithe tsaween!!!" he said. 


I know it was cowardly of me. I didn't deserve a father like this. 


Me: "Asfa yuba, sam7ny." I croaked out. 


He finally calmed down, and the idea of me having a chance of dying sank into his head, and mine. So many people have died. When you think of it it seems like such a stupid thing to do, but it's actually dangerous and counts as if I'm committing suicide. 


But all I wanted was to scream out and reach out to someone, I needed someone to hear me out, believe me, trust me, be there for me. 


My grief towards what had happened to my life was too much to bare, but I'm still dumb to think that my own family won't be there for me. 


M7amad came in finally, his face still had a trace of crying, but it's better. 


My face brightened up instantly, "M7amad?"


He came closer and suddenly hugged me tight. I loved these kinds of hugs, the kinds you get on your birthday, or when you haven't seen someone in a very long time. 


I later on explained everything to my father and M7amad, from the first thing I thought about doing to the last thing I thought about doing. They were shocked of course, and I could see a hint of pity and guilt on each one of their faces. 


But Baba's pity and guilt turned into severe anger when I mentioned what Shoug and 3aziz did again.


Baba: "Ana a3arif shloun at9araf, bes entay namay w erta7ay."


Me: "Enshala." 


Both of them kissed me goodnight and sat on the couches waiting for me to fall asleep.